Thursday 19 December 2013

Bad Santa Blog Hop 2013

This year I decided to take part in Ruth Long's Bad Santa Blog Hop 2013. It's about taking the idea of Santa and turning it on it's head, in which ever way suits, and writing a piece of flash fiction, up to 500 words bout it. This is what I came up with.


“Give me a look at that list, will you?”

Alfred handed over the computer print out. It was heavy.

“Wow, that’s grown since last year.”

“Yes, it get’s bigger every year.”

“But we only need a couple of hundred, don’t we?”

“Yes, that should be enough. How do you want to select them this year? Gender? Area? What?”

“Gender’s no issue, I don’t care about that, but area matters; we should just pick one. I don’t want to waste time like last year trying to get round them all – we cut it fine as it was.”

“True.” Alfred remembered the previous year when they’d only just managed to get away before sunrise. They couldn’t risk another close call like that.

“And remember; check birth dates - when I say over 18, I mean it! We’ve got to keep some kind of moral integrity!”

Alfred snorted a laugh. “Okay, that’ll cut the list in half then.”


“Anything else? I need to put this together quickly otherwise the invites won’t make it.”

“No, that should be it.” Santa rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait; finally a good use for the naughty list.”

Alfred grinned. “Indeed.”

As they stuffed the last stocking, Santa stretched. “I’ve definitely had it for tonight.”

Alfred’s eyebrows arched. “You sure about that?”

Santa chuckled. “Well I’ve had it with stuffing stockings; it’s time to stuff something entirely different!”

They both let out a hearty laugh, and climbed back up the chimney.


They slipped through the gates and followed the thumping music. They’d never heard jingle bells set to a rave beat before and liked it, but the sacks hindered their ability to dance along.

Alfred had done a great job setting up; the DJ’s booth stood in the middle of the courtyard decked out in Christmas glitter, and Christmas trees lined the perimeter giving it a cosy feel. The place was heaving with bodies, all getting into the spirit of thing by way of free hot toddies and eggnog.

“A bit of a different kind of venue to last year.” Santa looked up at the derelict factory.

“Yeah, being able to create just has made it much easier, and we’ve got a huge turnout.”

“Indeed, perfect.” Santa pulled his sack up to the podium by the DJ and climbed up.

He grinned at the MC and took the mike.

“Ho, Ho, Ho boys and girls. I have arrived!”

There were raucous cheers and wolf whistles as he reached into the sack and threw out a handful of sweets to the crowd. They grabbed them eagerly. He exchanged glances with Alfred. “That should warm them up.”

Alfred laughed as they threw out more. “It’ll get them going that’s for sure, like it does with the elves.”

“Yeah, but hopefully they won’t start making toys on us!”

“No, hopefully it’ll be something else they’ll want to make!”

They sniggered at each other and threw a sweet into their own mouths. It was time to join in.


  1. Well, that's one way to let off steam! Wondered what he did with the naughty list...obviously waits for them to come of age...then it's time for fun!

  2. A hopping party of naughty listers--hmmm, this could go in several wicked directions!

  3. Ha! Love the snark. The naughty definitely have more fun...

  4. HaHaHa! I knew there were advantages to knowing where all the naughty girls live!

  5. A raving, pill popping Santa. Love it. About time someone explained the naughty list lol. xx