Monday 25 February 2013

Visual Dare 8 - Listening

After a busy couple of weeks I am just scraping in my Visual Dare 8 entry, before the next one is announced. 


Calista sensed that she’d been here before, although maybe not in this form. With four feet she kept her balance well as the train rocked - or at least the illusion of a train; they’d made it too new and too empty, although the ceiling adverts were interesting. 

Calista listened closely to the sound it made, waiting for the glitches between to indicate how far they were taking her. She wasn’t sure how long she could hold this form and she didn’t want to reveal her identity until she was inside and knew who was really in control here.

The train slowed and then jolted to a stop. Calista waited. She had counted twenty glitches, which was further than she’d been allowed before.

The doors slid open with a feint bing-bong. She looked out at the deserted platform and saw them coming. She was surprised; she had expected humanoids.

149 Words


  1. Very descriptive language. Works very well and very visually with the prompt. How come I find myself going, "Run from the German Shepards, cat!"

  2. You know I am not quite sure what they were gonna be! LOL But for me the inspiration was the Matrix 2, when he is at the train station.

  3. This is wonderful. Exactly how to grab a reader in four paragraphs. I'm always striving (and failing) to do that. Nice work.

  4. GREAT hook. I would definitely keep reading if this were a novel opening. Just enough familiarity for a reader to follow the pacing, and more than enough mystery to keep the reader turning pages. Been allowed farther than before....from what? LOVE THIS.